Real Life Finishers

If you have ever watched wrestling on TV, you will know that each wrestler has their own special “finishing move” to essentially win them the match after it is executed. Some are quite cool. And some aren’t.

Now what if that carried over into the real world, like everyone was born with their own individual finisher. You would only use it when necessary. It would be on your drivers license next to your height and weight. It would be something like this:

Height: 6′ 7″
Weight: 250lbs.
Finisher: The Yarosaurus
Does Not Need Glasses

You get the idea. I bet the question your asking is, “What is the Yarosaurus?” Well, I shall explain. I was born with it so I am the only one who possesses this finisher. It is walking up to someone, punching them in the face, then kicking them in the groin region, picking them up when they are bent over due to the kick and throwing them into on coming traffic. It gets the 3 count every time. Trust me.

Maybe just life in general should be more like professional wrestling. Like when a friend shows up at your house, they have an entrance theme song and video playing in the background. My theme song would be Death to All But Metal by Steel Panther and the video would be me just bitch slapping everyone as I walk down a crowded NYC street. Kind of like the music video for Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve but a lot more violent. I personally think the world would be a better place. Think about it, 2 countries are in dispute over a piece of land; the next step would be to go to war, correct? Wrong. Have both presidents dress up in their wrestling attire and showdown in the squared circle. The winner gets the piece of land. Now that’s a lot more fun than war.

Also, everyone should carry around a microphone to call people out if they have beef with one another. Here is a real world example: My hypothetical daughter just recently broke up with her boyfriend and he wants her back. So he shows up at our house unannounced, and stands on the front lawn. He breaks out his microphone and starts to call for her to come outside. Little does this douchebag know, she isn’t home. So BAM! On comes my theme song and video and out I come from the front door. The kid shits himself, drops his microphone and runs. “Don’t worry junior, we will meet come Neighborhoodmania 2010”, I say to myself.

There you have it folks, they keys to a better world. Let us know what your finisher/entrance theme would be. Maybe we will meet up and battle.

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