That’s right kiddies, piracy is alive and well in the world. These might not be the pirates that set out on plundering Spanish ships for gold dabloons, but these piracoons are gallantly working with their mates to cause havoc throughout the world.
TCM, and especially this Captain, understand a lot about the mind of a pirate. If you ever encounter one, here are a few suggestions:
1. Run like hell. If you’re in the ocean, swim like hell.
2. Pirates like rum. If you can get them drunk, you can probably push them over the side of your boat.
3. Wear a sword. Present day pirates use automatic weapons, but if they are ever challenged to a sword duel by you, you’ll definitely have the upper hand.
4. Hide your lasses. If they see your women, well, it’s not going to be pretty. If you are a women reading this, TCM suggests you kick them in the balls and do not stop.
5. Act like a crazed animal. If you start running around like an ape on all fours, there’s a good chance they’ll let you go. Although pirates are picaroons, they fear those they cannot understand.
Use these helpful hints next time you come across pirates. Oh, and don’t take any cruises around Japan or Somalia for a while too.