Great Moments in World History

Some moments in history are great because they weren’t so great. Sounds confusing, but consider June 22nd and June 23rd to prove my point – these two days are when Hitler and Napoleon, respectively, decided it would be a good time to fuck up Russia. It turns out that it wasn’t a good idea because this would prove to be the end for their respective empires.

I know, this is probably not a popular topic to bring up on a blog-site when your readers comment explicitly on all things Saved By The Bell, local indie rock, and topics related to chooglin’, but some times a fart is a fart because, well, its a fart. And Russia is the mother of all farts.

Russia is a land as barren as Captain Kirk’s first ex-wife. It is a horrible place that actually took over Poland because they are a dick. They decided to be the colossal mass they are for a reason – to push everyone around just because they can. They are the bully at lunch that took your lunch money AND kissed your girlfriend behind the swing set because they could.

Russia was considered a savior at the time of Napoleon because they destroyed his army. The same could be said about Hitler. What followed from their Hitler triumph was about 45 years worth of owning the U.S. until we kicked their ass in hockey all because of our ability to grow a better playoff beard. It’s true, look it up kids.

Eventually Russia withered away as communism was scrapped by the wayside for something more conventional – Capitalism! Well it’s worked for Russia. They’ve decided to sell their precious reserves of oil and natural gas at high prices and now have become one of the most powerful countries in the entire world.

What will happen next? Lord knows, but Russia has already decided to chill with upcomers on the global scene Iran and Turkey. Could this mean they are turning into the bully again? Could this spell trouble for the U.S.? Can the capped crusader escape yet again? Stay tuned – if history repeats itself, we could be in for another empire-crippling Russian retreat.

Great moment in history? I don’t know, but it’s probably something we should stay cognizant of.

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