Willkommen zu Oktoberfest

So it is finally October, which means 3 things. Some awesome TV, girls dressing up like slutty nurses, slutty police officers, and the always popular slutty clown. But probably the greatest reason of all, Oktoberfest. Here at TCM we pretty much ditch everything else in life this month and drink beer till we become retarded. Since we already are pretty retarded, we just drink a lot of beer. But is drinking beer the only thing to do to celebrate Oktoberfest? I honestly don’t know, but here at TCM we are going to let you in on some things to do that doesn’t necessarily involve drinking beer but a majority of the time they do.

Go out and hook up with an Oktoberfest girl

Let me put it this way, a majority of people that are at Oktoberfest are men. There is no doubt about that. The women who are there are probably with another man, a group of her girlfriends or work for a beer company and are paid to look hot and flirt with your fat ass so you’ll buy more beer. So let’s leave out the women who are with another man and the “beer girls” because lets be honest, you absolutely have no shot at them. You do have a shot at the girl in a group of girls, a small shot, but one nonetheless. To be safe let’s eliminate the hotter ones from the group because you aren’t getting them either. Sorry. They’d much rather eat local sausage than see what you’ve got packing underneath those lederhosen. This then leaves the absurdly drunk girl who is currently trying to make out with the keg and the overly fat girl who has drank more beer and ate more sausage in the past 15 minutes than you ever will in your entire life. You have no chance against the keg. Albeit, not many men do. So you are left with Chunkasaurus. What do you do? Unfortunately there are very little options if you truly want to hook up at Oktoberfest and aren’t the Mayor of Munich or Brad Pitt. It boils down to the two major options being, you can go with Beer McFats or your hand. Honestly if it was me, I’d try and make a threesome out of the absurdly drunk girl and the keg. Just watch for splinters.

Eat some German Sausage, not in a gay sort-of way

Beer aside, Oktoberfest is also known for its sausage. I’m a man for some sausage. However you want to interpret that sentence, do, but I love sausage. I recently returned from a trip over in Europe and became new best friends with what the Irish call, “Black Pudding”. German’s have their own version called Blutwurst which literally means Blood Sausage. It’s main ingredient oddly enough is blood. Anyways, whatever sausage you may like be it bratwurst, knackwurst or dickwurst, Oktoberfest is the place for all of your sausage craving needs. Like how Harold and Kumar needed White Castle, Hans and Franz need N├╝rnberger Rostbratwurst. Yea, something like that.

Learn to Yodel

As if your singing in the shower wasn’t bad enough, you should attempt to yodel. Don’t know who or why those crazy German’s thought of this type of singing. It really makes no sense at all. Think about it, every yodeling song pretty much has the same lyrics repeated over and over. Here’s a hint: Yodelay he hoo. That’s it. You see what I did there, I pretty much just wrote my own yodeling song. I’ll call it, “Captain Yar does Yodeling in B Minor”. Look for my new hit single to be on iTunes within the next week or so. So while you’re in Munich, learn to yodel. It’s one of those things to be an expert at that won’t get you laid. Right along side being a World of Warcraft gamer and a writer here at TCM.

Go to the top of the tallest mountain in Germany and yell that saying from that commercial about those German cough drops

Yea, Ricola. This is probably one of the more not cool things to do while at Oktoberfest. But while you’re in Germany, give this a try. If you can somehow scale a mountain, then do it. Why not. Your next best chance is to climb atop a beer tent and shout it. But once you scale down you will probably be A) Arrested for public intoxication, B) Arrested for reckless endangerment or C) Your ass kicked by the locals for being a drunk, reckless asshole. Hey, that was partly fag with a chance of queer.

Eat Ice Cream

Umm…yea. I don’t even think that is a big thing to do at Oktoberfest but, enough said.

I’m sure there are many other things to do while in Munich but these are some of the things to do that don’t necessarily need to involve beer. But in the long run, everything during Oktoberfest involves beer. That includes driving. Someone needs to get those kids to school.

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