The Boo Box

You all remember the movie Hook? You know with Robin Williams as Peter Pan, that nutty Asian kid who played Roo Fi OOOOO, Tinkerbell the flying super midget and the always lovable Captain Hook? Sure you do. Great movie. One part of that movie though still haunts my dreams. The Boo Box scene. It was the part where Captain Hook was talking to his fellow pirates about how he killed the croc who ate his hand and then pulled out an unloyal pirate who bet against him getting the croc. The unloyal pirates name in the movie was Gutless and she was played by none other than Glenn Close…its true, look it up. We never knew it was her either which kind of down plays the evilness of the whole boo box bit. Anyways, lets say it wasn’t Glenn Close, but some other no name actor. Or fuck it, lets say this was real life. Hook was real and so was the Boo Box. Still don’t remember the Boo Box? Here is the recipe for it:

  • 1 Very large empty pirate treasure chest with lock.
  • 2 Scorpions (Or anything else creepy to be trapped in some small chest with. And if you really hate the person, you can make the Scorpions poisonous.)

Take person and place into empty treasure chest. Insert Scorpions. Close now full treasure chest. Lock. Leave for a few minutes, hours, years, eons, this one is completely up to you.

That got me thinking. We should bring the Boo Box back for current criminals. The judge would give them a choice. They could either spend x amount of years in jail or 24 hours in the boo box…pending they survive. The severity of the “critter” in the boo box would range from their type of crime. Lets say the person was caught stealing some clothes from the ever popular store 2Cute. I would say 24 hours in the boo box with 50 Centipedes…nasty motherfuckers (This is beginning to remind me of Fear Factor). The person would most likely survive, but come out of the box freaked to hell, I know I would.

Now, all the way up to 1st degree murder. 24 hours in the boo box with a velociraptor. Granted raptors are quite extinct but if they weren’t I’d say the person would only need 15 minutes MAX in the box, but that would be awesome nonetheless.

Lets track back a day or so to my Pirates vs. Dinosaurs memo speaking of something quite similar. If you are too lazy to click the link and read my last masterpiece, then let me quickly fill you in. Jurassic Park had its own version of the Boo Box. If we can’t reincarnate raptors, then a wolverine or komoto dragon will do the job just fine.

I hope you all see where I’m getting at here. The Boo Box is a fucked up invention, but when used properly is pretty goddamn amazing. So, without further adue, I give to you in its entirety, the Boo Box Scene.

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  1. Pingback: The Captain’s Guide to Beach-Going | The Captains Memos

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