Scientific reasoning as to why Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore.

First let me start out that she looks like a retarded super slutastic version of Taylor Swift. With that said, I must ask this: Why does it always look like she literally just got finished filming a video for “Gag On My Cock”.

We would like to break down as to why Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore. We will be using the mysterious powers of scientific arguments to do so.

Theory One
Scientific Idea
The main idea in this theory is that Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore.

Expectations
That Ke$ha truly is a stupid whore.

Observations
Upon viewing the subject in her natural habitat, we noticed that she was having a talk with some guy. After a few minutes, she kicked him to the curb because he didn’t look like Mick Jagger. We realized that she may not be a stupid whore after all. But, after a serious thinking session, we finally came to this conclusion.

Conclusion
We weren’t at first 100% sure that Ke$ha knows what Mick Jagger looks like. Many of us know Mick as a walking, talking skeleton. Since her and Mick Jagger are in the music business together, she must know and/or have crossed his path at least once. If she still wants to get boned by that bag o’ bones, then that for sure makes her a stupid whore. So therefore if you are a stupid whore then you most certainly must look like a stupid whore.

Theory Two
Scientific Idea
The main idea in this theory is that Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore.

Expectations
That Ke$ha does look like a stupid whore.

Observations
Upon listening to her music, we realized how dog shit awful it truly is. It can be compared to your dog taking a massive diarrhea shit, eating it, then puking it up with the shit chunks still in his puke leaving it for you to clean up. We weren’t sure as to why anyone would want to be singing about pissing in the Dom Perignon or throwing up in the closet. After several hours of contemplation, fist fighting and thumb wrestling we came up with this conclusion.

Conclusion
Ke$ha’s music is pretty fucking awful that it would be weird hearing it come from say, Carrie Underwood; who doesn’t look like a stupid whore. Not to say that Carrie Underwood’s music is any good, just not as bad as Ke$ha’s. So in order to take away the focus on the shitty lyrics and awful music, she would focus the attention on herself. The best way to do that is looking like a stupid whore. Therefore, Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore.

Theory Three
Scientific Idea
Yea, I think you know by now. Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore.

Expectations
That there is the slight possibility that Ke$ha does not look like a stupid whore.

Observations
Attended one of her live shows and she had some kid who played the guitar come out on stage and do a duet with her. She did not at the time look like a stupid whore. Although her “innocence” was short lived. After the song, her mic was still on and she told to the kid, “Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat, just show me where your dick’s at”. Turns out the kid was her younger brother. Here is a quick photo I snapped:

Conclusion
Taking in the prior statement and photo, Ke$ha is a stupid, incestuous whore. So, being a stupid, incestuous whore comes along with looking like a stupid, incestuous whore. Thus, Ke$ha is and looks like a stupid, incestuous whore.

Final Conclusion
After several attempts to prove ourselves wrong that Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore, we cannot. Through scientific arguments and complicated equations, this has proven to us that Ke$ha is and looks like a stupid whore. This can also be proven through a simple mathematical equation:

(Where X=$)

KeXha + Awful music + Smelly lyrics + Brushing your teeth with Jack Daniels ÷ A worn out vag + Waaay too much glitter – Makeup inspired by Clockwork Orange + That’s a goddamn shame = Ke$ha looks like a stupid wore.

This will soon be standard curriculum in math classes in upcoming years.

Side note: From now on, I will be known as Captain ¥ar. No? Fine. Whatever. Japan’s gonna love it.

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17 Responses to Scientific reasoning as to why Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore.

  1. The dude who wrote this is totaly messed up ke$ha is a good artist I think the dude who wrote this is a stupid whore that is just not nice to do

  2. Ke$ha is a whore and if you don’t think so then you are a whore. The man has given evidence, if you had any clue how to read the equation at the bottom then you’d know so as well. Nice post thanks for the evidence man, i had a hunch but now science backs it I can say it when i please. And to the whore that are going to bash me for this don’t bother i have no clue what this website is i just found it on google.

  3. OMFGROFLCHOPTERPEANUTUBUTTERHANDGRENADES MICK JAGGER IS SO HOTT!!!! srsly? No, he’s not. He might have been attractive at some point (this is an unproven and untested theory due to the fact that I simply don’t care to find out if guys are hott) but saying that Mick Jagger used to be hott is like saying that my shit IS bacon. Albeit that my shit USED to be bacon, I would be adverse to cooking it in a frying pan and putting it on my plate next to the eggs. Now that I’ve settled that part, let me say that I’ve giving a thorough expanse of time to testing given equation and let me say without a shadow of a doubt that my finding back up those of the TCM crew. Ke$ha is a whore (and her music sucks).

  4. Ke$ha is definitely a whore, girls can’t judge a whore as well as a guy can. We spend the majority of our life’s hunting for whores like they are wild game or something, so accept the fact that you’re in denial. Has anyone ever noticed that her lips are stuck in a position the makes her look like she is permanently sucking a dick?

  5. okay first of all im a huge fan of ke$ha she has a really good voice she cant help the way she actually looks the way she dresses doesnt make her a stupid whore you guys who think she is yoou guys are extremely retarded who doesnt know much about ke$ha she may sing about stuff like that and dress the way she does doesnt make her a whore YOU FREAKIN IDIOTS!!!!!!

  6. These clueless little kids who think Kesha isn’t a whore remind me of the innocence I once had:

    “George Michael isn’t gay!”
    “The Village People aren’t gay!”
    etc
    etc
    etc

    Kesha is a whore.

  7. Agreed 100%. Stupid ugly no talent bitch. Fuck this bitch and her whorish 13 year old fans. Glad someone wrote this article, at least I know there’s still people out there with common sense.

  8. Ok, u dont know how truly awfull u sound and look by writing ur big ass letter, so fuck off and leave k$ alone. In pretty sure there is accually ALOT of people who deserve to be called a whore instead of kesha. Face it. Shes a peice of beautiful amazing flawless prefection. And dosnt give a flying FUCK what people say or think about her. And yes, that means calling her a whore would probably go straight threw her. Bye bye little fucking immature hater

  9. Pingback: I Can’t Tell What’s Worse: Ke$ha, or People Who Like Ke$ha. « Eye Sedso

  10. WhO the FUCK is Ke$ha?!? — That crazy look’n bitch above? – really?
    - Is she an actor, singer, or ….?
    (I guess just another no talent, ‘famous-for-why?’ wanna-be somebody?)

  11. this completely useless fucking tramp, scumbag piss filled cumquat is exactly what’s wrong with everything today.
    Dumb, stupid ugly ass no talent tart with shit for brains fans following her


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