I’m sure everyone know who Albert Pujols is, but if you don’t, then allow me to recap: Albert Pujols is a first baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals, and Albert Pujols may also be a cyborg. Results are inconclusive.
He went yard last night, and this 12-year old pussy tried to catch his home run, missed, and got rocked right in the chest. If that wasn’t fucking funny enough, he starts to cry. Pujols felt bad, and ended up sending the kid a signed bat while he was still watching the game. Now he gets to tell all his friends at school that he doesn’t have about his cool new signed bat. If I were one of his class mates, I would routinely ask him if he received the bat before or after he cried like a little bitch.