Massive-two-shits Random Laws

This past weekend I attended a bachelor party in lovely Boston, MA – the birthplace of liberty some say. (Other historians and nay-sayers will argue in favor of Philadelphia, but Captain Flintheart will tell you there is no such freedom in that city. I digress, getting back to the story.)

I was rather stoked for this bachelor party being it’s for a buddy of mine I’ve knew since grade school. He moved to Connecticut for some reason and has been in isolation ever since. Regardless, I was excited for the weekend, but I was curious on the ironic choice of Boston for two reasons:

  1. a bachelor party is typically the “last hurrah” before the bachelor loses their freedom forever through marriage; and
  2. the very same Patriots that fought for our precious liberty out of Boston would be alarmed with some of the laws that now exist within the Commonwealth of Massive-two-shits.

The first irony I list is relatively easy to understand. Angry Bostonians created the stir that eventually led to the Revolutionary War and our subsequent freedom. A bachelor party signals the end of said freedom.

The second irony is due to all the ridiculous laws the Commonwealth has adopted that are pretty random. Want a list?

  • Out-of-state visitors that are younger than 25 years of age cannot purchase alcohol at events, i.e. concerts, baseball games, etc.
  • It is illegal to order a Lobster Tail a la carte at a restaurant.
  • Drinking out of pitchers is forbidden due to Commonwealth Law.
  • Bars and Restaurants cannot discount beverages to attract revelers, i.e. no Happy Hour

I’m sure there may be one or two random laws we came across or tried to break this past weekend that are not on the above list, but you get the point. These are some random laws which limits the freedoms of people who choogle in Boston.

Bartenders definitely infringed in my opinion as they ripped a pitcher out of my hands while I was about to take a swig. In addition, not being able to order a Lobster on the side with a side of mashed potatoes is horse shit. I was victim to the “less than 25” rule a few years back at a Pearl Jam show. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out the bit with no happy hours. I’m appalled.

Well, not all is lost. On the way home, I witnessed one of the greatest scenes ever:

Gas Fail

Yes. That is a woman filling up her gas tank from the wrong side because she just wanted to make “it work.” It didn’t. It was rather humorous and made me less angry about the random laws that exist in the Commonwealth of MA.

Word to the wise, consult a lawyer before traveling to this Commonwealth. On a side note, why the hell is a Commonwealth and what does that mean?

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