Today at TCM, we would like to get intellectual on everyone and review a book. In light of it being Pirate Week, what more appropriate book to review than Pleasuring the Pirate by Emily Bryan.
To begin, lets discuss the title of the book; Pleasuring the Pirate. When I first saw the title, I was a bit confused. Was this a guide on how to pleasure a pirate, because I can tell you in 1 word on how to do so: Booty….well, also swashbuckling. So 2 words then. But as I thought deeper into it, no…this book was an adventure, a dangerously romantic adventure.
The main wench’s name is Jacquelyn and the main pirate character’s name is Gabriel. In all honestly Ms. Bryan, you couldn’t have come up with a better name for a pirate than Gabriel? I would have chose Guts the Black Swordsman or Brock Sampson just to name a few.
As I opened up the first chapter and read the first sentence:
“The next time I decide to kill a man, Jacquelyn thought, I really need to find better help.“
I was thinking, she should have called me, I can help her with her troubles. All you need to do sweetheart is either get a gun and shoot them in the head, or stab them in the chest with your sword. Which again brought me further into thinking was she talking about breaking up with a man and breaking his heart? Quite possibly. I continued further on…
After reading a few chapters, I gots to thinking…Gabriel was a master swordsman. Take this excerpt for example:
Gabriel flashed his blade and, quick as thought, flicked the top button from Jack’s shirt.
Jack of course being the main wench…God forbid there be a gay pirate. Not only was Gabriel a master swordsman, but a master cocksman as well. I continued on with this soon to be excellent sex scene.
She squealed and clutched the shirt closed, but not before Gabriel was rewarded with a glimpse of the sweet meeting place between two tightly bound breasts.
That sweet meeting place that Ms. Bryan is talking about, its clevage. No doubt about it. If I was Gabriel, I would have pushed them together so they looked like a cross eyed torso. But he is not as quick thinking as I am.
I could go on and on with this review. So, I will sum this up for y’all in 1 sentence. Gabriel the pirate meets Jacquelyn the wench, they have butt sex and swashbuckle happily ever after. The end.
If you are into that kind of stuff, I suggest heading out to your local book store and picking up a copy of Pleasuring the Pirate, by Emily Bryan. If you do, be sure to dress like a pirate, cause that will truly show your dedication.