You have a bunch of buddies and obviously, they are not all created equal. Every man has their flaws, but not every man is ranked by their flaws. This needs to change. TCM is proud to announce a solution to this – Man Points.
“What are Man Points” you might ask, well Man Points are a way to rank your buddies on their manliness on actions that make them a man.
To put this into perspective, take this for an example: Your buddy farts in a crowd of people at a football game. This is a manly act, so he’ll receive 10 Man Points, but it’s the actions after the fart that characterizes him as a man and allows you and others to either award or subtract points:
- He blames it on a hot girl (+10 points; funny and everyone knows not true)
- He blames it on a fat guy (-10 points; unoriginal)
- He blames it on a fat girl (-20 points; unoriginal and plain mean)
- He owns up to his fart (+15 points; that’s manly)
- He owns up to his fart and hadukens everyone within reach (+50 points; not only is that manly, but that’s awesome)
Think of Man Points as a way to keep your friends in line. Have you ever had a buddy who got too drunk and told everyone that they’re his best friends? Minus 15 Man Points; no man shares his feelings or emotions.
What about the time where one of your buddy brags about some girl he nailed months ago and can’t summon the courage to hit on two girls at a party? Minus 20 Man Points; if you’re going to talk the talk, you got to walk the walk.
We hope you get the point of how to award and subtract points, but why are there points? Well, what’s the point of doing anything if there isn’t points allowed? Why shoot hoops, why play Super Mario, why drive recklessly – there are all points allocated to these things and just about everything else you can think of.
There’s a good chance you’ve been formulating your opinions of buddies, friends, co-workers, colleagues, teammates, and acquaintances for years, but now start keeping track through Man Points. So the next time Tim from the Bowling Team decides to blow up the bowling alley bathroom, don’t just give him a high-five, give him a high-five and +10 points; it takes a lot of guts to blow up a public shitter. Or when you go fishing with Steve and he won’t hook a worm, take away 15 points and be sure to tell everyone about your experience.
Remember, Man Points will indicate your true Man Friends. Sure you’ve known the people you’re friends with for many years, but TCM suggests assigning an artibrary amount of Man Points to all of them and when hanging out, keep track of who is gaining and who is losing. Our guess is that after a few times of adding and subtracting points, you’ll know exactly what their and your score is. After all, a man is defined on who they associate themselves with so you better hope your score is in the thousands.
Note: The sum of the Captain’s Man Points has eclipsed 3,000 ever since initiating this site 4 weeks ago. That’s right, we’re a couple of badasses.