#5 – Julie Benz
If you all watch the show, Dexter amongst other shows/movies she has been in you will know she is pretty hot. Her roles are usually the same throughout her career (well, from what I’ve seen). An innocent woman that is out for the better good. Hence, Dexter, Rambo and The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (not so innocent in the last one). So yea, this is probably the one you’d want to marry. Hell, what am I saying…if I married any of these actresses I’d consider myself winning.
#4 – Brittany Daniel
Sure, you all may know her as “The Tranny” from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, but in reality she is pretty friggen hot (and also in the show, sans penis of course). Her body is next to none on the scale of awesomeness as seen in the photo above. She obviously works hard at keeping herself…hard (not referring to the tranny…fools). She was also in Club Dread which many of you may not know. This film was done by the same crew as Beerfest and Super Troopers. If you have seen it, you may have noticed her supreme hotness. I liked the movie only because she graced the screen, otherwise I probably would have rather watched my turds clog up the toilet. “It’s true Sandy.”
“8 degrees to Terry Crews” Bonus Points: She was in White Chicks and so was Terry Crews.
#3 – Christina Hendricks
What!? Christina Hendricks again!? Oh, yes. Again. There is something about her that captivates us Captains. I don’t know what it could be. Maybe her striking red hair against her silky, smooth complexion? Her confident, sexy personality? Nah…it’s those huge boobs. Yes, it is also a combination of the other stuff mentioned as well, but come on. Do you really think she would be as famous and/or hot as she is with a tiny rack? Possibly, yes. But one still has to wonder, how in the hell is she married to this guy? He must have a huge peener or something to that effect. Good for him.
#2 – Mila Kunis
I would have to say my crush began after watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Sure, I knew about her before as that annoying bitch in That 70’s Show and that annoying bitch in Family Guy but her role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is what truly brought her hotness to my attention. She made me hardly notice Kristen Bell who is pretty damn hot in her own rights. Unfortunately though if you have seen the movie, that photo of her flashing her boobs was not real. It’s ok though, those eyes totally make up for those boobs not being real. Well…not really but goddamn, those eyes. Yea, you all know where I am going with this.
Bonus Points: Did I mention her eyes?
#1 – Carmen Electra
This may be an odd #1 choice for some of you. But for those of you who are not gay, you understand why she is #1. I have been absolutely in love with this woman since…well forever. Granted she is almost 40 now which almost puts her in Cougar status and that my friends, is certainly not a bad thing. It just makes her, well let’s say, “knowledgeable”. She was the first woman that I had multiple posters of in my grimy quarters growing up on that frigate. You can entertain yourselves as to what happened in those quarters. Let’s just say it wasn’t grimy pre-posters. Anyways…as you can see this woman absolutely oozes sex. In reality though she has nothing else to offer so she might as well. There are some dark periods in her life like marrying that freak Dennis Rodman and starring in that reality show with and marrying Dave Navarro. But for all of those dark times, there are positive times. Such as Baywatch, Singled Out, all of the times she has posed in Playboy, the strip tease workout video she made and other sex related things which I’m sure are out there. I’m sure since she is pushing 40, things are going to slow down for her which they probably already have. So, the next best thing Ms. Electra is to do porn. You’ll fit great into the category “Milfs/Cougars” on any video site. I’ll be sitting here, waiting patiently, constantly hitting refresh on my grimy computer in my grimy quarters… Sorry, that was pretty creepy. Yar, out!
Umm, yea…Video Bonus Points.