Airplane Farts

If you’re reading this blog I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’ve been on an airplane before. Airplanes are great. They can move you around the globe quickly, they force you to meet new people so you can improve your social skills, and they provide you with an opportunity to join the Mile High Club. The one big thing about airplanes that stinks are airplane farts (no pun intended).

Fart

Airplane farts are what they sound like; it’s when a passenger or flight attendant farts on an airplane. Farting on an airplane is worse than farting anywhere else because the air in the cabin is trapped until the plane is depressurized. Basically, if you fart on a plane it can stick with the plane and its inhabitants until you land which may be anywhere from 1 to 16 hours depending on where you’re going.

The worst thing about an airplane fart is that you have no idea where it comes from. It could come from the smelly, fat guy sitting next to you who’s molesting your arm chair while he’s waiting for his order of double soda or the sweet little old lady on the other side of you who’s knitting. Like an Agatha Christy novel, everyone’s a suspect.

I’m talking about airplane farts today because just this past week someone laid the mother of all farts on the ride home through Chicago. It was silent, it was unprovoked, and it made people gag. Imagine this, you’re sitting back, listening to some Pearl Jam on your iPod, daydreaming, loving life as much as you can until, BOOM, all you smell is a fart. You can’t escape it. You can’t do anything to make the situation better. You just have to sit there and take it. When I left the plane, I swear I smelled just like a fart and considered using the Chris Farley method to clean myself up.

There’s been a movement of foot though recently to cut down on airplane farters, smelly passengers, and fat people on planes. Soon only a privileged few of us will be able to ride in comfort and soon Captain Flintheart will have to make other accommodations to travel.

So the next time you’re on an airplane and have to fart, think about the other people who’s trip you will make a living hell and try to squeeze one out in the bathroom. Then you can be part of the Mile High Poop Club instead of ruining other people’s lives.

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3 Responses to Airplane Farts

  1. Today in the flight from Frankfurt i was having a nice trip… until one of the persons in my front released a fart. It was very annoying, since i like to enjoy a good flight, enjoying the view fron the window, listening music..and something like that can be very bad…and ruin a trip..specially when, like today, she released at least 5 farts during the 2 hours flight…it was starting to be hellish…Well the stink came from front of me and there were 2 young woman who were sleeping so it seemed very possible that one of them was the guilty. What is strange is that someone that is farting so much can be sleeping…because farting so muchg like that should mean feeling really bad enough to keep someone awake (awake enough to go to the toilet i wished…) but no! they were sleeping and one of them was intoxicating the area…how awful!

  2. Several years ago, I was on a flight from Bogota to Miami. There weren’t many people on the plane, about half full. Then all of a sudden I hear brrrrppppp, a really loud, long fart. Don’t know who cut it, but the smell was horrid. The whole cabin soon stank. The flight attendants were aware of the fart, and everyone on the plane was uncomfortable. Moving to empty seats didn’t help, the smell was everywhere. No one knows who the guilty person was, but had I known, I can assure you there would have been a justifiable homicide on that plane.

  3. Once when i was on a plane to Orlando i let off a massive silent fart in the premium economy cabin, i wouldn’t have felt bad if it was economy. Anyway it absolutely stank, i was mortified with myself. Luckily i had my 8 year old nephew with me who i blamed and i carried on watching the in flight movie. Planes always give me wind but on land i’m quite a non farter


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