Vikings And Children's Media

Why are their no Viking kids movies? Must we continue to deprive children of real historical events? I suppose the Beast Master movie or the horrendous live action Master Of The Universe movie could be remotely considered as such. But where’s my Disney cartoon movie with Vikings and the slaughtering and raping of the innocent?

I guess the closest we will ever get is the cartoon for Conan The Barbarian (the movie doesn’t count, because it’s clearly not for kids). As least he’s a Barbarian for Christ’s sake. I don’t remember much about the show, except that it was on in the early 90’s, Conan had his shirt off a lot and he had a bird that was his companion…clearly ripping off the success of Gilbert Godfrey’s parrot in Aladdin, that for whatever reason loved pomegranates.

Kids today need stimulation now more than ever. Give them a cartoon where Viking War Lords rip off the arms of their opponents and beat the shit out of each other with it. Fuck all this Pokemon bullshit. Maybe the live action Thor movie that is in the works will help to spur a movement, like Twilight did with Vampires or Magic Johnson did with AIDS.

Vikings were meant to dominate, so let them loose in the media and let’s make this shit happen.

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