Super Mario Brothers: The Movie

Super Mario Bros - The Movie

Does anyone else remember this insect laden steaming pile of feces? When I was a kid, I was a Mario Brothers fanatic. I had not one but two Mario themed birthday parties. So when the movie was released in 1993, I was expecting a magnum opus of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle proportions. What I got was my first taste of Hollywood churning out bullshit to capitalize on market trends.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this movie. Even the poster doesn’t make a lick of sense, that should give you a clue to how shitastic this thing really is. How about the fact that we finally find out Mario and Luigi’s last name. Don’t remember that? I’ll give you a hint. It’s fucking Mario. That’s right, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Seriously. You couldn’t come up with anything better than that Hollywood? That one sounds REAL Italian.

How about the fact that John Leguizamo plays Luigi? When I think of an Italian, he is usually the first person that pops in my mind, well I guess either him or Mr. T. It’s seriously like they didn’t even try. And why on earth would Dennis Hopper sign on to play Bowser? I hope he shot his agent or at least bludgedon him to death¬†after this movie was released.

The plot is useless. Apparently, a huge comet hit the earth billions of years ago, which¬†created a parallel universe where all the dinosaurs went and man than evolved from said dinosaurs. Princess Daisy (where the fuck is Princess Toadstool?) gets nabbed while she’s an NYU student digging under the Brooklyn bridge for fossils. Mario and Luigi than have to save her. Oh, and Toad is a southern street performer who chooses to oppose Koopa through non violent protest and sing political anti-Koopa songs.

Really?

What a shit load of fuck. I’m surprised Hollywood hasn’t tried to reboot the series, as the Mario franchise has only become more popular and it’s games have reached a whole new younger audience. Especially given the trend that Hollywood has followed only raping pre-existing ideas from the 80’s and early 90’s. I should have put this one on my list of movies I wish I never saw

Tags: , , , ,
  • Reddit

2 Responses to Super Mario Brothers: The Movie

  1. I would like a DONKEY KONG vs. MARIO movie….And please no john liguizamo….who is 100% latino HAHAHAHHAAH I can’t beleive his last name in the movie is mario…..LAME!


Leave a Reply