Have you ever been one-upped before? Do you even know what that means? Well friends let me elaborate. Being one-upped means someone followed a story you just told with a story of equal or greater value and most of the time it’s of greater value (much like a buy one, get one free deal from any fast food joint).
An example of someone being one-upped…but who is it????
The one-upper is typically a person who feels that they always need to enforce their awesomeness (which is self perceived) on others for no apparent reason. They cannot accept other people doing cool things, having good friends and/or a fun family, owning expensive things, and having a bigger wang/boobs. Yep, I just wrote wang/boobs.
One-uppers will usually find a conversation and stand in the background until complete then chime in with their story which is usually a blatant lie.
One-uppers can be found anywhere and everywhere. They’re at bars, parties, work, church, temple, grocery stores, the mall, a ball park, the park, strip clubs – pretty much anywhere you can imagine.
The reason I’m giving you all of this information is because upon encountering a one-upper, as loyal reader of TCM, you need to engage them in a game called OUCH (one-upper chess).
How to Play:
1. Identify a one-upper (use instructions above)
2. Tell a story that is lame enough they’ll follow up with one
3. Once they are done with their story, follow up with a story that is better
4. Continue going back and forth until you can yell “Bullshit” embarrassing them publicly
It seems simple enough, but it is very hard because one-uppers will know you are trying to one-up them by playing at their own game!
Think of OUCH as a high stakes game of poker with reputations on the line. The best way to practice is with your group of friends where all reputations are intact. Once you develop some skill, begin infiltrating other social circles to disrupt other one-uppers.
If someone calls you a dick or asshole, do not fret because you are neither. You’re like a vampire killer, Van Helsing if you will, who prowls the planet taking down one-upper after one-upper. Van Helsing was pretty bad ass and so will you be if you hunt down one-uppers.