Today we will venture into the life of Sorority Slores (Sluts & Whores jam packed into 1 word!). We all have run into them one time or another especially if you attend some sort of college. You all know what I’m talking about…the group of girls running about 13 deep all dressed exactly the same with their sorority shirts on proudly displaying to the world that its ok to be a drunk bunch of fake ass slags (Sluts & Hags combined).
I’d have to say though the funniest part of sorority girls is their “comradery”. After becoming a member of your new sorority, you are supposed to be friends with every girl in it even if 12 of them have slept with your boyfriend several times. It’s ok though, you are all now sisters and must love one another. Which brings me to my next topic of discussion. Sorority girls are whores! You can’t even deny it. I have a joke for you all…What’s the difference between a sorority girl and the Titanic? Only 1500 people went down on the Titanic. Cheesy, but ouch.
Ok, on a more serious note, I am going to give you girls who are looking to be sorority slores some tips on how to do so.
1. Dress cute and popular – Clothing is key. There are 2 main outfits a sorority slore must wear. Trashy and whorey. Technically they can be the same thing, but for now we will say they are different. You must, must, must brand everything you own with your greek letters, if you don’t you won’t be as big of a tool as the rest of your sisters. Remember girls, the less you wear, the more people will look at you. You always want to wake up saying, “Where am I?” You will then know you have achieved maximum trashy whoreiness.
2. The cute and popular dating life – Never date one guy for more than two months. God forbid you sit on the same dick for more than 2 months! You will be shunned by all your sisters if you are found to have been dating a guy for that long. Rule of thumb: Your GPA for a semester should never be higher than the amount of guys you sleep with.
3. The cute and popular fitness routine – You must never admit that you are dieting. Ladies, turn on the bathroom fan and lock that door! Don’t let your sisters know you are puking up the whole 5 pieces of salad you just ate! If they knew how skinny you were, then they would all want to be like you. You can’t have that! Keep your diet a secret.
4. Mixed drinks, the cute and popular beverage of choice – Drinking is something every cute and popular girl must do in excess. I cannot stress this enough. If its pink then drink…and repeat many, many times. Is a guy going to want to come up and talk to you if he sees you drinking a beer? Absolutely not. Beer is for ugly fat girls who buy their own drinks. Mixed drinks are for the girls who have a choice to which bed they want to sleep in tonight.
5. Cute and popular in class – Cute and popular girls must never do anything alone. You should never go out in public without atleast 5 of your sisters tagging along. That also means attending class. If they do not even have the same class as you, take turns missing your class to attend theirs. Power in numbers ladies, remember that! Your a bigger whore if there is more.
So there you have it ladies, several ways that you too can be a sorority slore.
Although I speak low of these womens, I’m sure there are some out there who are not what I described above and for that I apologize, not my fault a majority of you out there are fake ass bitches. If you are a sorority slore and offended by this, go cry about it to your “sister” next door…maybe if your lucky she will make out with you.
Useless Information: The word slore originated in the epic 1984 classic; Ghostbusters. It was said none other than by Louis Tully (Rick Moranis):
Gozer the Traveller will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Voldroni, the traveller came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slore! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slore that day, I can tell you!