Since August is International Whaling Month (it really isn’t), we decided that it would be fitting to celebrate the life and times of Captain Ahab as TCM’s newest Captain of the Month.
Who the hell is Captain Ahab? This guy is the mofo that decided to chase the great Moby Dick (the basis for the Led Zeppelin song) across the seven seas with his band of whaling minions. Captain Ahab was so intense, he would refuse his men’s pleas to turn the ship around until this great whale, Moby Dick, was caught and dominated. Sort of like a fat chick avoiding all signs that a drunk frat guy isn’t into her until she’s successfully climbed on top and dominated.
The book by Herman Melville goes on to talk about a whaling adventure that isn’t the complete story of Captain Kirk’s freshman year at college, but actually about the mid-1800’s whaling industry. Captain Ahab is vilified in the book, but should he be? The man just had an obsession – which is not a bad thing all the time.
By the way, did you know that Captain Ahab is commonly used in English as slang for an obsession? You want an example; think of those comparison games you used to play growing up like “Captain Ahab is to Moby Dick like Tyrone Biggums is to ______ (Correct Answer: Crack)”:
Well Ahab was sure no crackhead, but he’s worthy to be our man of the hour, or month, because August is sure a great month to build your own obsession. Whether if you’re looking to drop a few pounds, to stop using the toilet seat as a pillow, or to begin compulsively gambling at the race track, take a note from this Captain of the Month and chase down your own whale no matter what it be. Though if it can’t fit between the couch and the wall, you might have to seriously get some help.